The Organization of FACET

FACET is divided into 13 Topics. Each topic has three parts: I know/understand, I believe, and I will.

• I know (understand)
  I know or I Understand is designed to help each person to realize what information their partner may or may not have. The basic building block of relationships is knowledge so the intent here is to figure out what knowledge each person is coming to the marriage with. This is an educational aspect of the FACET tool that allows both persons to discover or reveal some fundamental information important for their relationship.
  

• I believe
  I believe goes beyond information and adds to the foundation of a marital relationship by having each person express what is his/her truth, or what it is that he or she holds as important. This includes opinions, values, beliefs, and convictions that may or may not be consistent with their partner. Again, the purpose of FACET is to expose both parties to their similar as well as their dissimilar beliefs. It is intended to root out unspoken assumptions and to allow the couple to explore differences. Because these are not factual issues, this area can provide a rich conversational field where couples can express the things they build their life on. The facilitators can share their own early experiences of unspoken assumptions at this point if they choose.
  

• I will
  I will is designed to take the conversation that has proceeded from the I know and I believe portions of FACET and move the couple into action. It is to help the couple draw upon whatever insights they have just gained and take them into some action steps. A healthy marriage is about mature and responsible compromise and a commitment to continual growth. Therefore, this portion of FACET assists the couple in naming those things they each are willing to take on as a life plan for creating a great marriage. This portion, if entered into openly, can be an exciting and positive dimension of their experience of the FACET tool. It might be helpful for the couple to write down some of the things they come up with regarding their future. In the process they will be setting a future course of action designed to assist them in building a lasting and powerful intentional relationship of ongoing growth and development. It springs from and represents for these couples, the Christian understanding that marriage is a lifelong journey toward each other and toward God. That is a goal that requirest conscious, deliberate actions.
  

Why is FACET called a conversation and education tool?

FACET was designed to serve two educational purposes. The first was to acquaint couples with the way the Catholic church envisions and teaches about marriage. There are specific ways that Catholicism perceives marriage and it is important for couples to know them. In addition, because FACET points couples to follow-up actions, it encourages them to think about the way the Church can help them on their path to a healthy, happy. holy union going forward. Staying involved in a faith community is a way to associate with others who have a similar view of this vocation.

The second purpose of Foundations was to impart the wisdom of social science about how to have a vibrant lifelong marriage. By pointing the couple in the direction of best practices in relationship skills, we hope to optimize their marital success.

In reaching these two goals, FACET was developed based on the principles of adult education. Malcolm Knowles, who introduced the concept of adult education, states that there are 6 characteristics of the adult learner:

   1.    Adults need to know why they need to learn something

2.    Adults need to build on their experience

3.    Adults need to feel responsible for their learning

4.    Adults are ready to learn if training solves an immediate problem

5.    Adults want their training to be problem-focused

6.    Adults learn best when motivation comes intrinsically

FACET was designed straightforwardly, with the categories and subsections clearly labeled, to honor these principles. It is a self-discovery tool through which engaged couples learn more about themselves and their relationship. This design promotes respectful conversation about each other’s point of view.

Some Points To Consider In Discussing FACET:

• SETTING THE MOOD: When you are meeting the couple with the computer printout, emphasize again that FACET is not a test, and is confidential. The results reflect only what they were thinking the day they filled it out, and they may have already discussed some questions before the meeting. Many couples report that they spent time immediately following the completion of FACET discussing their answers. This means that FACET has already begun being successful in its purpose; namely, to get the couple to discuss those areas they may not have previously discussed. It is common for a couple to report that they became aware that they hadn’t yet figured out how they are going to handle their finances, for example. So, after they completed the FACET tool, they began to have that conversation. They are now sitting in front of you, the facilitator, that much more prepared. Be sure to compliment them for the knowledge they have already gained if this is the case.
  

• Others will show some anxiety or concern regarding their corresponding answers to FACET. In most cases, you'll be able to reassure them that they have mostly similar responses and that it is healthy and normal to have some differences. The key is to be aware of these differences. Some will require compromise. Some will need adjustments by one or both parties.
  

• HOW TO START: Facilitators often have an introductory time, discussing how long the engaged couple has known each other, how they met, when they decided to marry, etc. Some facilitators ask the couples what they thought of filling out FACET. They may ask what areas they think they are strong in, and what areas they think they will need to discuss further.
  

• THE RESULTS: Show them the results and indicate how many areas they already have agreement in. Use your own judgment about the importance of the items raised for discussion. Whether people know who their grandparents are is not as important as whether one or the other has a problem with substance abuse or physical abuse.
  

• GOING OVER THE CATEGORIES: Ideally, the couple ought to be seated side by side The key to the discussion is for you to facilitate and for them to spend most of the time TALKING WITH EACH OTHER RATHER THAN WITH YOU. Ideally, the facilitator keeps their remarks to a minimum.. Some have found it helpful for everyone to have a copy of the question booklet to look up specific questions; others have found this to be more of a distraction or hindrance. Feel free to do what is most comfortable for you.
  

• THE SEPARATE CATEGORIES: Go over the categories one at a time, perhaps using the I Will portion of each as the summary for each section. Read the areas that they had some disagreement on in the section, and then review them one at a time. Your goal is to get them to talk and to explain to their partner why they answered the way they did.. Give them as little input as you can get away with, depending on the personalities and temperaments of the couple. Perhaps they don't remember why there was disagreement...then either they misunderstood the question, filled in the wrong box or it was entered incorrectly. Perhaps it was a momentary difference because they had an argument on the way to the session. Don't push them; rather, encourage them to talk. If one starts to talk to you, gently ask them to speak to their partner. Then, see if they are able to go further in a conversation regarding this particular topic or question.